


i got everything i need, almost

by stefonzolesky



Series: wires [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (Movies 1984-1989)
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, me? projecting? how dare you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:36:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefonzolesky/pseuds/stefonzolesky
Summary: “Peter,” Ray interrupts. He closes his eyes, trying to center himself, and opens them to make eye contact with his friend. This is an eye contact conversation.





	i got everything i need, almost

“Fuck.”

Ray stares down at the torn piece of fabric in his hands.

“Fuck, shit, fucking -- God fucking  _ damn it!” _

Peter had even  _ told him _ not to go on the bust today. Winston had stayed back. It would have been fine, it wasn't anything that Peter and Egon couldn't handle on their own. But Ray was  _ interested _ , like he's always interested, and had gone along anyway.

It's a good thing, too, he thinks. Because if he hadn't been thrown down the -- well, he doesn't want to call it a mountain, because it was too small, but it was rocky as hell and definitely painful to fall down -- someone else would have taken the fall.

He's fine, anyway, except for his clothes. His uniform snagged on the corner of a sharp rock and tore through all three layers -- uniform, undershirt, binder.

Which brings him back to where he is now, sitting shirtless on the end of his bed, swearing angrily at a piece of torn fabric.

He doesn't snap out of it until the handle on the door starts to jiggle, and Ray has to think back to whether or not he locked it.

“Ray?” Peter's voice comes through the door. “Are you alright?”

It takes Ray a second to find his voice again through all of his anxiety. “...I'm fine.”

“Are you sure? Because we can hear you doing your whole 'fuck, shit, bitch, dick’ schtick you do when you're upset, and you locked the door.”

“It's fine, Peter,” Ray says, wincing at the way his voice cracks.

Peter is silent for way too long.

“Alright,” He finally says. Ray feels relief hit his body for a second.

Until Peter starts jiggling the door handle again, and fuck, he knows how to pick locks.

Before Ray can register what that means for him, the door is open and Peter is standing there, gawking at him.

Ray covers his chest quickly. “Get the fuck out, Peter.” He's quiet, because he doesn't trust his voice not to crack again.

Peter blinks. “I'm gonna…”

“Get the  _ fuck out.” _

Peter swallows hard. He nods and shuts the door carefully behind him.

+

It takes a while, but eventually Ray pulls himself together enough to go back downstairs.

He's wearing three layers, even though it's the middle of summer, but he decides it'll have to do.

Peter goes white as a sheet as soon as Ray sits down. He stares at his sandwich and refuses to make eye contact.

Ray pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Peter?”

Peter's head snaps up. His cheeks go bright red. “Hm?”

“Can I talk to you?” Ray can already feel the nerves catching up with him, but if he doesn't do something soon, Peter will most definitely blab. And that's the last thing Ray wants right now.

“In private,” He adds.

Peter nods slowly, giving a final glance to his untouched sandwich before he follows Ray into the lab.

Ray locks the door behind them and turns to face Peter.

He can hear Peter swallow.

“Nice rack,” He finally says.

Ray sighs. He bites down on his bottom lip. “You can't, like, tell, right? I mean, right now. Through the layers.”

Peter shakes his head, but then he stares at Ray's chest for way too long and quietly admits, “A little bit. When I'm looking. What gives?”

“If you tell anyone about this, I swear to God, Venkman--”

“What?” Peter interrupts, a shaky smile appearing on his face. “You don't trust me?”

“Peter, I'm serious.”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Peter puts his hands up in a surrender. “So, what's the deal? How long has this been going on?”

Ray blinks, startled. “What?”

“How long have you had tits? What spook did this to you? I'll bet it was that lady back in February, I knew she got something on you, but --”

“Peter,” Ray interrupts. He closes his eyes, trying to center himself, and opens them to make eye contact with his friend. This is an eye contact conversation. “Peter, I've been like this. My whole life.”

Peter takes a step back into a table, and the vials on it clatter when it shakes. “You're a chick? And you never thought to mention it?”

“No.” Ray shakes his head frantically. “That's the whole thing. I'm  _ not.” _

“But you--”

“Yeah, believe me, I know.” Ray laughs.

Peter nods slowly. He pulls out a stool and sits down. Ray leans against the door.

“So,” Peter says, visibly trying to look anywhere but Ray's chest. “Mr Stantz --”

“I'm not letting you go full psychiatrist on me.” Ray crosses his arms. “And that's final.”

Peter scoffs. “You're no fun.”

“I'm already diagnosed.”

“You went to somebody other than me?”

“If I had gone to you, you would have just come up with excuses to see my rack.”

“Hey, no I wouldn't have!” Peter interjects. “I swear to God. Plus, it's just jarring when your face looks like that. It's like something is seriously wrong.”

Ray lifts his eyebrows. “Are you calling me ugly?”

Peter's face burns. “What? No! I just--”

“Relax,” Ray says. “I'm fucking with you.”

Apparently, Peter knows Ray well enough to see that, despite his joking, he's scared shitless right now. He'll take busting ghosts over this any day.

When Peter stands up, he stands in front of Ray, making eye contact so that Ray can tell Peter isn't looking at anything but his face.

“Ray,” He says. “You can relax. You're not the first transgender person I've met, and I've known you for so long that it doesn't matter. I may be an asshole, but I'm not  _ that _ kind of asshole.”

Ray sighs, hard. “Oh, thank God.”

“You just caught me off guard.” He puts a hand on Ray's shoulder. “I swear.”

Ray smiles. “Thanks, Venkman. Really.”

Peter stares at him for a second, really studies his face, and then says, “Hey, where do you fall sexuality-wise, then? Because I know you had that girlfriend in college, but--”

Ray quickly unlocks the door and pulls it open. “We're done here.”

Peter scoffs. “Alright, man, but that means I'm just gonna assume you're gay.”

“Assume whatever you want,” Ray shouts at him, already heading downstairs. He laughs -- that's a conversation for another day.

+

Things are mostly fine, after that. Ray spends a lot of time looking for ways to bind that won't kill his ribcage, until Peter hands him something while Winston is out picking up lunch and Egon is in the lab -- another binder, a good one.

“I don't know if it'll fit,” He says. “Spengler made it. I just gave him your clothing sizes.”

Ray goes from elated to terrified in about half a second. His hands drop, and he stares Peter right in the eye. “You told Spengler?”

“Relax.” Peter laughs. “I told him it was for a friend.”

“That's not much better. You don't have all that many friends.”

Peter scoffs. “Come on, Ray. For starters, I have plenty of friends. Plus, do you  _ really _ think Egon is the type of guy to pry about something like that? It doesn't concern him, he won't bother to think about it.”

Ray nods, slowly. Peter is definitely right about that.

“You can't tell anyone,” He says. “But you  _ really _ can't tell Egon.”

Peter's eyebrows furrow together. “Why-- Oh.”

“Shit.”

_ "Somebody _ has a  _ crush!” _ Peter grins like a kid in a candy store. “Don't worry, Stantz, your secret is safe with me. Secrets. Holy shit, I get  _ two secrets.” _

“I might have to kill you over this,” Ray warns. “I really might.”

“Okay!” Peter laughs, giving Ray a friendly clap on the shoulder. “And hey, no need to thank me for the binder or anything.”

“Right.” Ray smiles a little bit. “Thanks.”

+

Aside from Peter's relentless teasing, things are relatively smooth for Ray after that. The binder that Egon made works great, and Peter isn't insensitive enough to joke about Ray being transgender in the way that he's able to make jokes about Ray being gay -- which Ray doesn't mind. He hasn't exactly figured his sexuality out yet, but it's much more of a joking matter.

He's helping Egon out in the lab when things start to go a little sideways again.

“Ray?” Egon asks.

Ray keeps his nose down in their project. “What's up?”

Egon sets down the tweezers he's using and pulls out a stool, taking a seat. Ray looks over at him.

“Spengs? Are you alright?”

“I'm fine,” Egon promises. “I'd just like to talk, if that's alright with you?”

Ray nods slowly, nerves coursing through his veins. Egon hasn't figured anything out. He couldn't have.

He pulls out the stool next to Egon and sits down, studying his friend's face. Egon looks… nervous, almost.

“I can't help but notice that Peter has making an abnormal amount of --”

“Gay jokes,” Ray interrupts. “Yeah.”

Egon nods. “Yes. I can't help but wonder… are they true? Obviously you're not required to tell me if you don't want to. I was just curious.”

“I don't know,” Ray admits. “I'm still struggling with the whole liking girls thing, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I guess you could say that I'm gay. I don't really know.”

Egon nods again, tilting his head slightly. “But you  _ are _ interested in men?”

Ray's mouth suddenly feels very dry. “Correct. Definitely.”

Egon casts his vision to the ground. “I suppose… I suppose that I might be gay. Like you said, it's a struggle. I've never found girls interesting.” He glances up to meet Ray's eyes. “Not the way I find  _ you _ interesting.”

The word, “shit,” tumbles out of Ray's mouth before he can stop himself.

Egon looks taken aback. “I'm sorry. I thought--”

“No, Spengs, it's fine,” Ray interrupts. “I have the biggest fucking crush on you. Honest.”

Egon blinks slowly behind his glasses. Ray feels like he's about to pass out. This isn't how he pictured this moment going in the slightest.

“Then why--”

Ray shakes his head quickly, trying to clear his thoughts. “Egon, I'm going to say something. And you have to promise not to be awful about it.”

Ray knows, logically, that Egon won't be awful about it. But that doesn't make him any less scared.

But Egon is sitting there in front of him, concern in his eyes, patiently waiting to find out what Ray has to say.

“I've been in love with you,” Ray tells him. “For a while now. I haven't done anything about it, because -- well, for starters, I thought you were straight. I've been with straight guys before. It was always hellish, they thought they could handle it and then they couldn't. Gay guys, too. I've never had a relationship last more than a few weeks, because they want to get sexual, and then they get uncomfortable, because…” He swallows hard, trying to gather up the courage to speak again. “Because I'm transgender.”

“Oh,” Egon says. “Alright.”

Ray laughs uncomfortably. “The straight guys are there for the pussy and I look too weird so they can't handle it. The gay guys always think they'll be fine, but they aren't. I think I'm just done with sex for a while.”

Egon looks like he's thinking. Ray can always tell when his brain is buzzing.

He reaches out and puts a hand lightly on Ray's arm. It's warm and safe and good.

“That's alright,” Egon finally says. “I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me.”

Ray blinks back the tears pricking behind his eyes. “Does it change anything?”

The fact that Egon has to think about it seems like a bad sign.

“No,” He decides. “It doesn't. I didn't…” He hesitates.  _ “Fall in love, _ with the idea of sexual intercourse, Ray. Relationships have always been so abstract. The reason I considered the possibility of being gay was  _ you.” _

Ray blinks. “Me?”

Egon shrugs, a small, amused smile playing at his lips. “Who else?”

Ray studies Egon's face. “Are you fucking with me?” He asks, voice soft. He doesn't trust himself to be any louder.

Egon takes his hand off of Ray's arm and replaces it on his cheek.

He can't tell who goes in for the kiss first, but everything clicks as soon as their lips touch.

Ray has never gone into relationships with a lot of faith in them -- too many bad experiences makes it hard to trust romance. But something here feels so painfully right.

When they pull apart, Ray can feel that his cheeks are warm. He gives a lopsided grin.

“I want to say that this was a successful test,” He says.

Egon smiles. “I'm looking forward to working with you on this, Dr Stantz.”

Ray laughs and pulls him forward for another kiss.


End file.
